Monday, November 22, 2010
Since we moved into this house in March until today, we have dealt with these ugly, scary creatures! I don't know how they've managed to get into the house, but they have-even a baby one, which I had never seen before. Apparently before then, only the full grown, ugly, scary ones had chosen to torment me!
So this morning I go to step out onto the front porch after I hear an ambulance siren (not the typical thing to hear at 6am in this match box of a town.) And what do you think is staring me down? YUP! A stinking, stinging scorpion! Excuse me for a moment while a shiver some more and wait for the hairs on the back of neck and my arms to go back down....
So you can guess what I did right? Yes, of course, I immediately shut the door! Time to think, time to think. Hmmm. I need to kill it b/c Lord knows it's just LOOKING around the front door for a way into the house! I told you before how they are just OUT to torment me! So I go looking. Of course this morning is the one morning I don't wake up to 10 pairs of shoes strewn about! Okay! I found a shoe...of course it has to be my own flip flop. I'm already imagining the scorpion gut residue that's going to be left on my shoe, but I have to do it...the little devil must die! Errrrrrgh! That's the sound of my brakes being put on!
Remember when I said the sucker was staring me down? That's right. He was staring right at me, right past the door mat. It's a step down to get to the porch from the door! Where do I step? I'm trapped! Yes, I'm thinking all of these things! Then the strange thought pops in about how hilarious I must be looking if any of the neighbors could see. Quick neighbor check....nope, nobody's out. Whew! Still, what do I do. Do these suckers jump? If I step down to kill it, will I be fast enough before it gets me? If I jump OVER it, will it jump too? What do I do? I know...
Yep, that's right, I'm a momma which means amongst all my other super powers, I also possess my master ninja skills! So, there I went. Just imagining myself in the full black suit with only my eyes showing, staring down the devil creature as I jumped down and splattered him to pieces.....well, after 3 slaps with my size 9 flip flop that is!
And with that, the devil creature was dead. I quickly used my defamed flip flop to sweep it off to the side of the porch and then wondered what to do with my icky flip flop! Bleh! Don't think that I didn't scoot that devil creature off to the side so I could show Heath my kill! That's right, ninja's like to brag sometimes!