Imperfect as it is, I love my life. No matter what happens, I am always his wife, their momma, and most importantly HIS daughter. With that, everything is peachy! I can't imagine living life any other way. I cherish God's Grace on my life and my family's life everyday.

Friday, November 5, 2010

This afternoon was a little frustrating..

If I ever doubt my own strength, all I have to remember is that I'm raising a 2yr old and 2 the same time...and all three are girls. And while things do get crazy & frustrating at times around here, I just remember how incredibly blessed we are to be able to have two rounds of the best journey out there: parenthood.
Just like every parent out there, I do have regrets and things I would have done differently with our older two girls.  If I would have had knowledge of the things I know about now (breastfeeding, cloth diapering, etc), or the patience that I've found now, or been more comfortable in my own skin back then, and if I had possessed the confidence that I have now in myself and my decisions.  Although our girls are wonderful, sweet, loving, kind spirited, compassionate young women who have made me proud in so many ways, there are still of course those things that I wish I would have known to do or just done differently back then as far as parenting them.
But I feel incredibly blessed, beyond blessed, that God has given us this opportunity to go through all of those experiences again.  To experience them now with a calmer spirit, more confidence and assurance, a larger support system, wonderful friends,  more patience, and the ability to not take things (or myself) too seriously.  
I think, as alot of parents do, the first time around we loved every experience, but didn't cherish them in the way we are now. Now I make the point to stop everything and just devour the experience. To be thankful for it. To acknowledge that it is an incredible blessing.  To know that it WILL only happen once.  To know that you should just stay and take 200 pictures on that family outing, because you don't  want to look back in 10 or 15 years and WISH you had more photos to look back on that memory. 
As I tell my girls alot, we're not just picking pumpkins, baking cookies, or playing a game together. We're making a memory.  Of course they giggle each time at it, but secretly in my momma heart, I just know that one day they will be telling their children that they are "Making a memory."  I'm pretty sure if and when they do, I will burst into tears over the sheer joy of them truly "getting" what I was trying to teach them.
So on afternoons like this that are particularly frustrating and painful, I remind myself how truly blessed I am to be able to experience this not just once, but twice.  Not everyone gets to do that.  I feel like it's a second chance. And yes, like I said, our girls are amazing and I would not change who they are one bit.  My regrets are only the same that every parent has after looking back. I wish I would have spent more time on this. I wish I would have not done this or done this. I wish I would have seen the blessing in this and not taken this so seriously.  I think it's pretty natural as a parent to feel that way, but for me, it has nothing to do with how my girls have turned out. They make me proud in so many ways, so many times each and every day. I guess I'm just feeling blessed to be able to do this twice. 
We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that He has already thrown open His door to us.  We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand--out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.  Romans 5:2 .

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